I’ve noticed a fascinating pattern, and it’s all about staying friends with ex-partners.
Now, you might think it’s a tad bit complicated, even messy, to maintain friendships with an ex.
But according to psychology, certain traits make this possible and even healthy.
I’m Lachlan Brown, founder of Hack Spirit and a mindful observer of human relationships.
In this piece, we’re going to dive into those characteristics that allow some people to transition from romance to platonic friendships smoothly, while others can’t even fathom the idea.
This isn’t about playing mind games or manipulating feelings; it’s about understanding the psychology behind post-breakup friendships.
So, let’s dig in and understand what makes these folks tick!
Let’s begin with the one trait that’s crucial for maintaining a friendship with an ex-partner – Emotional maturity.
Emotional maturity doesn’t happen overnight.
It’s about understanding your feelings, managing them and not letting them control your actions.
It’s the ability to handle complicated situations (like breakups) without letting emotions override logic.
People with high emotional maturity can navigate the choppy waters of a breakup and come out the other side with a platonic relationship intact.
They do so by acknowledging the past relationship, accepting the end, and evolving from romantic partners to friends.
As the esteemed psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”
The same goes for accepting your past relationships.
Only when you truly acknowledge and accept your past can you build a healthy present and future – even if that includes a friendship with an ex.
Another key trait that I’ve noticed in people who stay friends with their exes is a strong sense of self.
Now, what do I mean by this? It’s the ability to know who you are outside of a relationship and not letting a past relationship define you.
I recall a personal experience that perfectly illustrates this trait.
After an intense yet enriching relationship ended, I found myself at a crossroads.
The easy path was to let the breakup shatter my identity.
The more difficult path was to separate my individual identity from the relationship.
I chose the latter.
It was tough, no doubt about it.
But I realized that the relationship was just one part of my life, not the whole of it.
This perspective allowed me to see my ex as a person, not just as my former partner, paving the way for a lasting friendship.
That’s where having a strong sense of self comes into play.
It helps you see beyond the past, know your worth, and not let a breakup shake your self-identity.
Next up is a trait that’s not only crucial for maintaining friendships with exes but also for personal growth in general – the ability to let go of resentment.
Resentment is like poison. It builds up over time and can ruin even the strongest relationships.
But people who can stay friends with their exes are those who can let go of this toxic emotion.
In my book “Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego“, I delve into the Buddhist principle of forgiveness and letting go.
It’s about releasing negative emotions that weigh you down, including resentment from past relationships.
Let’s say your ex did something hurtful during the relationship. Rather than holding onto that pain, you choose to forgive them, for your peace and theirs.
You don’t forget what happened, but you don’t let it control your present or future interactions.
This act of letting go is an essential step towards healing and fostering a healthy friendship post-breakup.
Delving deeper into the psychological traits, another characteristic that stands out in people who stay friends with their exes is a high level of openness.
Openness, one of the Big Five personality traits in psychology, refers to one’s willingness to experience a variety of activities.
It includes a person’s imaginative or practical interest in, and appreciation for, adventure, unusual ideas, and varied experiences.
In the context of post-breakup friendships, people high in openness are more likely to entertain the idea of being friends with an ex.
They value the shared history and experiences and are open to exploring a new type of relationship with this person.
These individuals are not scared of change. Instead, they embrace it as a part of life.
They understand that relationships can evolve and change form without losing their value.
This trait is backed by scientific research too.
According to a study, people scoring high on openness were more likely to remain friends with their exes.
This might seem counter-intuitive at first, but people who tend to stay friends with their exes often exhibit lower levels of narcissism.
Narcissism, in psychology, refers to excessive self-love or self-centeredness.
It’s a trait that can wreck relationships and make post-breakup friendships almost impossible.
Why? Because narcissists often lack empathy and consider their needs above all else.
However, those who can maintain friendships with exes often show the opposite traits.
They consider the feelings of their ex-partner and respect their boundaries.
They are attuned to their ex’s comfort level and don’t force a friendship if the other person isn’t ready.
Communication is the lifeblood of any relationship, and it’s no different when it comes to maintaining friendships with exes.
People who can stay friends with their exes typically have excellent communication skills.
They are able to express their feelings and thoughts clearly and honestly, without causing unnecessary harm or misunderstanding.
These people understand that post-breakup friendships require a different kind of communication.
It’s about setting clear boundaries, discussing what the new relationship will look like, and addressing any residual feelings from the past relationship.
Communication isn’t just about talking; it’s also about listening.
People who can maintain friendships with their exes are often good listeners.
They respect their ex-partner’s feelings and opinions, creating a safe space for open dialogue.
Redefining a relationship after a breakup isn’t a walk in the park.
It requires a lot of emotional strength and patience.
There was a time when I found it challenging to separate the romantic feelings from the new-found friendship with my ex.
It felt like walking on eggshells, constantly worrying about crossing boundaries or misinterpreting signals.
But with time, I realized that redefining the relationship meant letting go of old patterns.
It was about creating a new dynamic that respected our past but didn’t let it dictate our present.
This ability to redefine the relationship is something that people who stay friends with their exes possess.
They understand that the romantic chapter has closed, and it’s time to start a new one – as friends.
As Sigmund Freud, the father of psychoanalysis, once said, “Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways.”
The same applies here. Only when you sincerely express and accept the change in your relationship can you foster a healthy friendship with your ex.
Self-confidence plays a significant role in maintaining friendships with exes.
People who are confident in themselves and their worth are more likely to successfully navigate the complexities of post-breakup friendships.
They don’t let the end of a romantic relationship shake their self-esteem or make them question their value.
These individuals are secure enough not to let the past relationship affect their self-image.
They realize that a breakup is not a reflection of their worth, but rather, it’s about compatibility and circumstances.
Moreover, self-confident people tend not to harbor negative emotions like jealousy or insecurity when their ex-partner moves on.
They can genuinely be happy for them, which is crucial for sustaining a healthy friendship.
In my book “Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego,” I discuss how Buddhist principles can help us navigate complex situations in life, like maintaining friendships with exes.
It’s about learning to live with maximum impact and minimum ego, acknowledging our feelings, and moving forward with grace and respect.
The post 8 traits of people who tend to stay friends with their exes, says psychology appeared first on Small Business Bonfire.
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