The line between seeking feedback and craving approval is often blurred by insecurity.
Insecurity can lead us to hide our true selves and seek validation through specific phrases that reveal our need for approval.
Recognizing these 7 phrases can help us understand our own behaviors and those of others:
Insecurity often manifests as a need for external validation, and this is clearly evident in verbal interactions.
In conversation, insecure individuals frequently use phrases that seek approval or confirmation. They don’t trust their own judgment and thus, rely on others for validation.
Take the phrase, “Do you think it’s okay…”. This is more than just a question. It’s a subtle plea for affirmation or approval.
It shows that the person isn’t sure about their own opinion and requires others to validate it.
Notably, this isn’t about seeking advice or brainstorming — it’s about seeking validation to feel secure.
This is a phrase I’ve caught myself using more than once. It’s a classic sign of insecurity – undermining your own opinion before it even has a chance to stand.
“I’m probably wrong, but…” is more than just a phrase. It’s a reflection of doubt in one’s abilities or ideas. It subtly communicates, “I don’t trust my judgement. Please agree with me so I can feel validated”.
I remember using this line during team meetings early in my career. I’d start my suggestions with “I’m probably wrong, but…”, hoping to soften the blow if my idea was rejected.
What I was actually doing was seeking validation and approval from others due to my own insecurities.
It took some self-reflection and confidence-building to phase out this phrase from my vocabulary.
The phrase “I’m no expert…” is a common one among people who are insecure about their own knowledge or abilities. It’s a way of lowering expectations and avoiding criticism or rejection.
Interestingly, a study from Cornell University found that people tend to underestimate their own abilities and knowledge, a phenomenon known as the Dunning-Kruger effect.
On the flip side, some people overestimate their capabilities, but that’s a story for another day.
Recognizing it can be the first step to building self-confidence and overcoming the need for external validation.
This phrase is an immediate red flag for insecurity. Instead of owning their success, insecure people often attribute it to luck, believing they don’t truly deserve it.
“I just got lucky…” undermines one’s own efforts, skills, and achievements. It’s a way of deflecting praise and avoiding the spotlight out of fear that others might expect more from them in the future.
In reality, success is rarely just about luck. It involves hard work, perseverance, and skill.
“Does that make sense…” is a phrase I’ve found myself using when I’m not confident in what I’m saying.
It’s not about checking if the listener understands, but rather a self-doubt, seeking confirmation that my thoughts and expressions are valid.
I used to end my presentations with “Does that make sense…” instead of a strong, confident conclusion. It was my unconscious way of seeking approval and reassurance from my audience.
Now, I aim to express my ideas clearly and confidently, without seeking validation with every sentence.
Insecurity often makes people downplay their achievements or abilities. The phrase “It’s probably not that good…” is a classic example of this.
Before presenting their work, insecure individuals might use this phrase to lower expectations. This way, they feel safe from harsh criticism or judgement.
It’s a defense mechanism to save face in case their work isn’t well received.
Understanding this can help us respond with kindness and encourage them to believe more in their capabilities.
The phrase “What do you think…” when used excessively, can be an indicator of insecurity. It shows a high dependence on other’s opinions and a quest for validation of one’s own thoughts or actions.
It’s perfectly fine to seek opinions, but over-reliance on others for approval can hinder our ability to trust our own judgement.
It’s essential to balance feedback with self-confidence and trust in our instincts. This fosters emotional independence and growth.
At the core of these phrases and the insecurities they reveal, lies a critical aspect of human behavior – self-compassion.
Psychologist and author Kristin Neff defines self-compassion as being “warm and understanding toward ourselves when we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate, rather than ignoring our pain or flagellating ourselves with self-criticism.”
Insecure people often seek external validation due to a lack of self-compassion. By recognizing these phrases, we can better understand our own insecurities or empathize with others.
Seeking approval is natural, but it shouldn’t control our lives or override our own judgment.
This journey of self-discovery starts with awareness and is guided by compassion—for ourselves and others.
The post 7 phrases insecure people use to gain approval and validation appeared first on Small Business Bonfire.
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