Remember when you were a kid and you felt unstoppable?
Whether it was riding a bike for the first time or acing a spelling bee, there was a moment you probably thought, “I can do anything.”
Fast forward to now, and if you can’t recall the last time you felt that kind of unshakable confidence, it might be worth looking at some sneaky habits that can steal your self-assurance.
Let’s talk about 9 toxic habits that can quietly erode confidence.
By becoming aware of them — and making a conscious effort to ditch them — you can start to rebuild that sense of “I’ve got this” in your everyday life.
I used to scroll through social media and instantly feel like everyone else was living their best life — perfect vacations, perfect jobs, perfect relationships.
It’s easy to forget how curated those photos are.
Constant comparison sets you up for disappointment because you’re holding your real life up against someone else’s highlight reel.
As Amy Morin has noted, focusing too much on how you stack up can trigger feelings of inferiority. Instead, compare your present self to your past self.
Reflect on how far you’ve come.
Trust me, you’ll develop a sense of progress that’s way more beneficial than dwelling on what others are doing.
Ever notice how some people respond to praise with a flustered “Oh, it was nothing” or “I’m not that good”?
It might seem humble, but it’s actually a way to reject confidence-boosting feedback.
When someone compliments you, they’re acknowledging your strengths or accomplishments.
Dismissing that is like throwing a gift right back at them.
If you struggle with accepting compliments, try responding with a simple, “Thank you, I appreciate that.” Let the positivity land.
Over time, this habit can cultivate a healthier self-image because you’re no longer blocking every bit of good news about yourself.
We’ve all messed up—big time, small time, and everything in between. But if you’re replaying those mistakes over and over, it’s a surefire way to keep your confidence levels in the gutter.
It’s like chaining yourself to a past event that you can’t change.
Winston Churchill famously said, “Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”
The idea here is to learn from your screw-ups without letting them define you.
By mentally revisiting your failures and punishing yourself, you’re missing out on the chance to move forward—smarter, stronger, and more resilient.
Apologies have their time and place.
If you genuinely mess up, owning it shows integrity. But over-apologizing—like saying “sorry” for minor things or even for taking up space—sends a message that you believe you’re an inconvenience.
That mindset can chip away at your sense of worth.
Next time you catch yourself about to say “I’m sorry,” pause and see if it’s truly warranted.
If not, rephrase with something more assertive, like “Thank you for waiting,” instead of “Sorry for making you wait.”
Subtle shifts in language can dramatically affect how you perceive yourself and how others perceive you.
Sometimes we avoid chasing a dream or starting a project because we’re waiting for everything to line up flawlessly. But “perfect” timing rarely exists.
This habit can kill confidence because you’re never giving yourself a real chance to succeed—or even fail in a way that helps you grow.
I’ve mentioned this before but life is about taking calculated risks. If you stay in perpetual waiting mode, you’re telling yourself (and everyone else) that you’re not ready.
Ironically, the more you procrastinate, the more you doubt your own abilities.
Jumping in, on the other hand, builds faith in yourself—even if you stumble along the way.
Picture this: you nail a presentation or complete a demanding project.
Instead of celebrating, you brush it off: “Oh, it wasn’t that hard” or “I got lucky.”
This habit is a close cousin to deflecting compliments. When you discount your wins, you’re essentially telling yourself that your successes aren’t valid—so how can you possibly feel confident?
A better approach is to recognize the factors that led to the success: the planning, the late-night prep, the creativity you invested.
Acknowledging the effort you put in helps you build a mental dossier of “I can do this” evidence. As time goes by, that evidence fuels genuine self-confidence.
If you’re constantly around people who tear you down, criticize you unfairly, or belittle your ambitions, it’s going to wear you out.
Sometimes we stay in these circles because they’re comfortable or familiar. But no matter how thick your skin is, toxic company eventually seeps into your own self-perception.
As Greg McKeown, author of Essentialism, points out, the people in your life can shape you more than you realize.
If your environment is negative, it’s harder to maintain a strong sense of self-belief.
Assess your circle.
Are these people encouraging you or draining you?
When possible, set boundaries or step away from relationships that constantly erode your confidence.
Overthinking is a sneaky confidence killer.
You dwell on “What if I mess up?” or “What if people judge me?”—and you end up stuck in analysis paralysis. In your head, you might feel like you’re being cautious, but in reality, you’re avoiding action out of fear.
That hesitation can make you doubt your instincts.
If you’re a chronic overthinker, try limiting the time you spend on each decision, especially the small ones.
Decide what to eat for dinner in two minutes instead of ten. Pick your outfit without trying on four different combinations.
Start training yourself to trust your choices in low-stakes areas.
Gradually, you’ll build the muscle to make bigger decisions with more confidence.
Ever caught yourself thinking, “Any minute now, everyone will realize I have no idea what I’m doing”? That’s classic imposter syndrome.
It’s common, especially in high-achievers, but it’s a toxic mental loop that can prevent you from truly acknowledging your skills and experiences.
As Daniel Goleman emphasizes, self-awareness is a crucial component of emotional intelligence.
Recognize when that imposter voice surfaces.
Remind yourself of tangible accomplishments and the work you’ve put in to get where you are. Talking to mentors or peers who’ve felt the same way can also help you realize you’re not alone.
The key is not to let those fraudulent feelings go unchallenged.
Confidence isn’t just a trait you either have or don’t have — it’s something you cultivate through daily actions and mindsets.
The nine habits listed above can sap your self-esteem more than you realize.
Fortunately, they’re habits. And habits can be changed.
By stepping away from these patterns and replacing them with healthier behaviors, such as accepting praise, recognizing personal wins, setting boundaries, and taking calculated risks, you can gradually rediscover your sense of self-worth.
It’s not about becoming arrogant or overbearing. It means that you can finally see yourself as the capable, resilient person you truly are.
Keep on the up and up
The post If you can’t remember the last time you felt truly confident, say goodbye to these 9 toxic habits appeared first on Small Business Bonfire.
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