Hey there, Lachlan Brown here, the guy behind Hack Spirit. I’ve spent the better part of the last 15 years diving deep into the human psyche.
In this time, I’ve discovered a lot about what makes us tick, and how we can hack our mindsets to live happier, more fulfilled lives.
One thing that’s become clear to me is that assertiveness is a superpower.
It’s a trait that sets successful people apart, allowing them to navigate life’s challenges with confidence and grace.
But there’s a thin line between assertiveness and aggression.
Cross it, and you risk damaging relationships and creating unnecessary conflict.
So, how do you stay on the right side of this line?
Well, in my experience, it starts with cutting out certain habits from your life.
In this piece, we’re going to look at seven habits you should say goodbye to if you want to be assertively awesome without straying into aggressive territory.
Ready? Let’s dive in.
Passivity is a silent killer of assertiveness.
Why?
Because it’s essentially the opposite of being assertive.
When you’re passive, you let others take control of your life.
You avoid expressing your thoughts and feelings, even when it’s important to do so.
And this can often lead to feelings of resentment and frustration.
Not to mention, it doesn’t exactly scream “I’m in control here”.
So if you want to be assertive, it’s time to say goodbye to passivity.
But how do you do that?
Start by expressing your thoughts and opinions more openly.
It can be as simple as saying “I disagree” in a meeting or “I don’t appreciate that” when someone crosses a line.
Remember, your thoughts and feelings are just as valid as anyone else’s.
And expressing them doesn’t make you aggressive – it makes you assertive.
Practical tip: Start small. Try expressing an opinion in a low-stakes situation where the outcome doesn’t matter too much. This will help you to build confidence in your ability to be assertive.
I’m guilty of this one myself.
In the past, I’d always agree to things, even when I didn’t want to.
I thought I was being helpful, but really, I was just letting people walk all over me.
It’s important to remember that saying ‘no’ isn’t rude or aggressive.
It’s a necessary part of protecting your time and energy.
So if you’re a chronic people-pleaser, it’s time to start practicing the art of saying ‘no’.
Trust me, it’s liberating.
Practical tip: Next time someone asks you for a favor that you really don’t want to do or don’t have time for, try saying something like “I’m sorry, but I can’t commit to that right now.” It’s polite, but still assertive. And it will help you to start setting boundaries and taking control of your time.
We all do it, right?
Those little voices in our heads that say “you’re not good enough” or “you’ll never be able to handle this”.
It’s a tough habit to break, but it’s essential if you want to be assertive.
Because assertiveness starts with believing in yourself and your abilities.
And if you’re constantly tearing yourself down, it’s going to be hard to stand up for yourself in the real world.
Now, changing the way you talk to yourself isn’t easy.
But luckily, there are some great resources out there to help.
One that I highly recommend is “A Toolkit for Building a Happier Life in a Messy World” by life coach Jeanette Brown”.
It’s packed with practical strategies for improving your self-talk and building a happier, more confident life.
Practical tip: Start by becoming aware of your negative self-talk. The next time you catch yourself thinking something negative, try replacing it with a positive affirmation like “I am capable and strong”.
It might feel strange at first, but with practice, it can make a big difference.
Apologizing shows that you’re considerate of others and willing to take responsibility for your mistakes.
But there’s a difference between owning up to your errors and saying ‘sorry’ for everything under the sun.
When you over-apologize, you’re essentially diminishing your own worth.
You’re saying “I’m not important” or “my feelings don’t matter”.
And that’s not exactly assertive, is it?
So next time you find yourself about to apologize for something that’s not truly your fault, pause and reconsider.
Are you really sorry? Or are you just trying to keep the peace?
Remember, it’s okay to stand up for yourself.
Practical tip: Try replacing unnecessary apologies with expressions of gratitude. For example, instead of saying “Sorry I’m late”, you could say “Thank you for waiting for me”.
I used to think that if I could just avoid conflict, everything would be smooth sailing.
But the truth is, confrontation is a part of life.
And avoiding it isn’t doing you any favors.
In fact, it’s probably holding you back from being as assertive as you could be.
Because being assertive often means standing up for what you believe in, even when it’s uncomfortable.
And that can involve a bit of confrontation.
So if you’re a conflict-avoider like me, it’s time to start facing those uncomfortable situations head-on.
It might be tough at first, but it will be worth it in the end.
Practical tip: Next time you’re faced with a potential conflict, take a deep breath and remind yourself that your feelings and opinions matter. Then, approach the situation calmly and assertively, expressing your perspective without aggression or hostility.
Yes, life can be hard.
And yes, sometimes things happen that are out of our control.
But constantly seeing yourself as a victim isn’t going to get you anywhere.
In fact, it’s probably keeping you stuck in a cycle of passivity and resentment.
Being assertive means taking control of your life, owning your mistakes, and believing in your ability to overcome challenges.
And playing the victim is the exact opposite of that.
So instead of feeling sorry for yourself, try focusing on what you can do to improve your situation.
It might be tough, but trust me, it’s worth it.
Practical tip: Whenever you catch yourself slipping into victim mode, take a moment to reflect on what you can do to take control of the situation. This shift in mindset can help you to move from passive victimhood to active assertiveness.
Setting boundaries means deciding what you will and won’t accept from others.
And it’s a crucial part of being assertive.
Without clear boundaries, people can easily take advantage of you.
But when you set boundaries and stick to them, you’re showing that you respect yourself.
And in turn, others are more likely to respect you too.
So if you’ve been letting people walk all over you, it’s time to start setting some boundaries.
Practical tip: Start by identifying one area of your life where your boundaries are being crossed. Then, decide on a firm but respectful response for the next time it happens.
And there we have it – the seven habits you need to ditch if you want to be assertively awesome without veering into aggressive territory.
If you’re looking for more practical strategies to boost your assertiveness and overall happiness, I highly recommend checking out “A Toolkit for Building a Happier Life in a Messy World” by life coach Jeanette Brown.
It’s packed with invaluable insights and actionable tips that can help you to navigate life’s challenges with grace, confidence, and positivity.
Because at the end of the day, life is messy.
But with the right tools and mindset, you can make it a whole lot happier.
Here’s to your journey towards greater assertiveness!
The post If you want to be assertive at life without being aggressive, say goodbye to these 7 habits appeared first on Small Business Bonfire.
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