I think it’s fair to say that most parents want nothing more than to feel loved and appreciated by their children as the years go by.
However, the connection we have with our kids isn’t just about the big moments. It’s built (or strained) by the subtle, everyday behaviors we bring into our relationships. Over time, these small habits can either strengthen the bond or create unintended distance.
The good news? Awareness is everything.
By recognizing and letting go of certain subtle behaviors, we can pave the way for deeper, more meaningful relationships with our children—relationships that thrive well into their adulthood.
Today, we’ll unpack seven of these behaviors that, if left unchecked, can quietly erode the love and closeness you share with your kids.
Making these changes has been transformative for me, and I’m confident they could be for you too.
Let’s dive in.
We’ve all fallen into the trap of assumptions at times. As parents, we often believe that we know best for our children, even as they grow older.
But here’s the catch – as they mature, their perspectives change and so do their needs.
“Because I said so” might have worked when they were toddlers, but it’s not going to fly with adults. This approach can lead to feelings of resentment and a sense of being misunderstood.
Instead of assuming you know what’s best, take the time to understand their viewpoint. Ask questions, show genuine interest in their thoughts and feelings, and respect their decisions.
Understanding doesn’t mean you have to agree with everything they say or do. But it does mean acknowledging their right to make decisions and live their own lives.
Have you ever noticed how your words can shape the atmosphere in a room?
I certainly have.
I remember one particular Sunday dinner at my house. My adult children were visiting, and we were all excited for a warm family gathering. But as we sat down to eat, I found myself criticizing my daughter’s choice of career. I didn’t mean any harm, but I was worried about her future and let my concern cloud my words.
The dinner quickly took a turn. The joyous atmosphere was replaced by tension, and the evening ended on a sour note. My daughter left early, visibly upset by my comments.
That’s when it hit me – my negative talk wasn’t helping anyone. It was pushing my children away instead of bringing them closer.
This is well backed up by experts, too. As observed by Dr. Jeffrey Bernstein, a parent coach, and psychologist, “Parents who frequently criticize or dismiss their adult child’s feelings or achievements can inflict emotional harm, causing them to feel inadequate and unvalued.”
From that day on, I have made a conscious effort to eliminate negative talk from our conversations. I have replaced criticism with encouragement and worry with faith. It hasn’t been easy, but it’s made a world of difference in our relationship.
The takeaway here?
Talking positively doesn’t mean avoiding serious conversations or brushing concerns under the carpet. It means addressing them in a respectful and constructive way, keeping their feelings in mind.
Trust me, this change will make you feel more loved by your children as you grow older.
As humans, we are creatures of habit. We find comfort in routine and predictability.
However, life is anything but predictable. It’s a continuous roller coaster of change, and the sooner we accept this, the better it is for our relationships.
How does this relate to parenting?
Well, as our children grow up, their life situations change, and so do their needs and expectations from us. We need to adapt to these changes instead of rigidly sticking to our old ways.
For instance, if your son has moved to a different time zone for work, he might not be able to stick to your weekly Sunday phone call routine. Instead of getting upset about it, try to find a new routine that works for both of you.
Embracing change and being flexible will not only strengthen your bond with your children but also make them feel more loved and understood.
This is a huge one!
As parents, it’s only natural to want the best for our children. And sometimes, this desire can morph into a need for control over their decisions and life choices. However, as they grow older, this behavior can become suffocating and damaging to your relationship.
Adult children crave autonomy and the freedom to make their own decisions. Hovering over them, micromanaging their lives, or insisting on having things done ‘your way’ can create resentment.
Letting go doesn’t mean you stop caring or advising. It means trusting them to make their own decisions, even if they make mistakes. After all, some of the best lessons in life are learned through personal experiences.
Let me illustrate my point here with a personal story.
One day, my son came to me with a problem. His marriage was going through a rough patch, and he was struggling to cope. I found myself ready to jump in with advice and solutions, all the while judging his situation based on my own experiences and biases.
But then, I paused. I realized that what he needed from me wasn’t judgment or unsolicited advice. He needed empathy. He needed someone to listen, understand, and validate his feelings.
So, I put aside my judgments and chose to empathize. I listened to his pain, offered comfort, and reassured him of my love and support. I didn’t try to fix his problems; instead, I let him know that I was there for him.
The result? Our bond strengthened. He felt loved and understood, and I felt closer to him than ever before.
Choosing empathy over judgment is a powerful way to deepen your connection with your children.
Perhaps author Steve Maraboli puts it best; “Sometimes we need someone to just listen. Not to try and fix anything or offer alternatives, but to just be there… to listen. An ear that listens can be medicine for a heart that hurts.”
It makes them feel safe in sharing their struggles with you, knowing they won’t be judged or criticized. This openness paves the way for a more loving relationship as you get older.
Boundaries are essential in any relationship, and it’s no different between parents and their adult children. Yes, no different.
Boundaries can be about time, personal space, topics of conversation, or even the way they choose to raise their own children. Overstepping these boundaries can lead to conflict and feelings of resentment.
For instance, if your daughter prefers not to discuss her financial situation, respect her wishes. If your son asks you not to drop by unannounced, honor his request.
Respecting these boundaries doesn’t mean you’re distancing yourself. It means you’re acknowledging their autonomy and showing them that their feelings matter to you.
Above all, the way we communicate with our children can shape the nature of our relationship with them.
Harsh words, criticism, and negative language can create a wedge between you and your child. On the other hand, kind words, appreciation, and positive reinforcement can foster love and mutual respect.
Remember, it’s not just about what you say, but how you say it. Even difficult conversations can be handled with grace and kindness. This approach shows your children that you respect and value them, encouraging them to reciprocate those feelings towards you.
As we age, our relationships also mature and grow. The bond between parents and their children is no exception.
However, while the dynamics change, the underlying love remains.
Saying goodbye to these 7 subtle behaviors isn’t about drastically changing who you are. It’s about evolving as a parent, even as your children grow into adults. It’s about creating an environment where love, respect, and understanding thrive.
As you reflect on your own behaviors and interactions, consider the impact of these subtle changes. You might be surprised by the profound effect they can have on your relationship with your children, making you feel more loved as you journey through life.
The post If you want to feel more loved by your children as you get older say goodbye to these 7 subtle behaviors appeared first on Small Business Bonfire.
—
Blog powered by G6
Disclaimer! A guest author has made this post. G6 has not checked the post. its content and attachments and under no circumstances will G6 be held responsible or liable in any way for any claims, damages, losses, expenses, costs or liabilities whatsoever (including, without limitation, any direct or indirect damages for loss of profits, business interruption or loss of information) resulting or arising directly or indirectly from your use of or inability to use this website or any websites linked to it, or from your reliance on the information and material on this website, even if the G6 has been advised of the possibility of such damages in advance.
For any inquiries, please contact [email protected]
